importance of the quality of mark and life's unknowns

9x9 pastel and watercolor on Uart

On Sunday, Paul took me to look at Lake Needwood, one of my favorite places to paint. They have recently drained it partially which leads a a beautiful mix of snow and ice/water. This is my memory painting from that day.
When painting it I realized that my new found comfort (and thrill) of painting from memory alone has freed me up to give my attention more to the quality and direction of my mark. Long sweeping downward strokes of the sky, horizontal descriptive lake and snow strokes. Each stroke has a particular purpose. Sometimes not for description, but for the pure joy of what I can do!

The one important idea that rushes forward each time I do these small memory paintings is- that not everything in life or painting can or should be explained.  If we are to enjoy life/painting there needs to be unknowns. However much discomfort we feel with unknowns they are also the thing that keep us wondering and thinking of possibilities. Possibilities are good. Can you see the parallel between life and painting?
You may be able to tell from my writing, I think I turned a corner last night.
Finally I have come out of the 29 day tunnel of darkness.  I feel a glimmer of me peaking through..the pain is coming to an end! I am so happy I could cry! YIPPPEEEEE! Thank you all my supportive friends you hve helped me through! yippee!